Carolina Buckeye

I'm at work...at lunch...and online!

2010-08-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

This is so cool! I am writing to you on my lunch break at work! AT WORK! I got wireless internet this week. I actually have something to do to take my mind away from this place for a little while. Yeah! This is great, I turn on the PC...plug in this little balck thing, wait just a moment and boom. I have the internet...I've checked my e-mails and looked at a couple of sites. Fun! I need to get some head phones...I'll be able to watch tv shows or something like that during my lunches...or YouTube...I can do Pandora.com or Itunes...or NetFlix!! Ahh the freedom....what a feeling! Ok...I'm done!

Today has been rough....this week has been rough. Come on Friday night....I will be one happy girl at 5pm.

I made a collage of pictures of the kids and my parents and grandparents. I put it up at my desk and it's really nice. I think I'm going to find a big picture frame to put it in...it's quite lovely. So that is what I'm looking at today...as I kill time.

I think I'm going to try to start my novel again this weekend. I found the character profiles that I wrote a few months back and it made me anxious to do something with them. I've got a part of a plot...but I need to figure out how to develope it.

So anyway, I guess I have nothing significant for this blog. I just wanted to post something to celebrate my online independence. Have a good one people!

Once lunch is over I will have 4 hours left. Tonight I am going to try to clean up the clutter scattered around my house....and keep it that way...this time. :-)

Bend in the Road

2010-08-06T15:24:00.000-07:00

It's been so long since I've written. I actually kind of forgot I had this. I deactivated my Facebook account and sudenly I have all this free time at night....and I thought I didn't go on Facebook a lot. Boy, was I wrong!

So what's new? What's new? Alot and nothing at the same time. Work is still work....between you, me, and the dog sleeping on my feet...I am miserable there. I tread onward praying for my "bend in the road". I think I know when that bend will come...April 2011. I have made the decision to move back to the Ohio/Pa area. Why do I list both? Because more than likely I will be jumping over the boarder quite often. My parents live just a few moments from the Pa line.

I am sad to leave NC. I will miss the heat, the sun, my irratic hair brained friends....ok this is sounding too much like a Twilight novel...no seriously I will miss the area...it's really pretty here. I will miss my friends..the small little group of ladies that God has blessed me with the past few years. I wish I can take you all with me. So you may ask why are you going if you are so sad to leave? A few of you may list 8 very monumental reasons. You'd be right....but not entirely. I love my family and I am lonely here more often then not....but that's not why I'm going...entirely...though Josiah crying on the phone does have a big part of that.

I realized something this past year that has been poking at me for a long time. I have been living in neutral. "Lady in Waiting" should have been the name of the blog for so long. I've been praying and hoping that God would bless me with a husband and children of my own. With that prayer in my heart I kept telling myself...it doesn't matter that your job makes you miserable, it doesn't matter that you would almost...ALMOST...hug your boss if he fired you tomorrow. It doesn't matter because..."ONE DAY YOUR PRINCE WILL COME." and then none of this 8-5 terror will seem important. Not that I thought I'd get to quit working right away. I'm fine with working until I have kids. But I thought it would be easier if I had someone.

Well a few months ago....I woke up. I'm 32. Yes, I still want to get married. Sometimes, I believe he might even be out there. The point is...I'm done waiting. I need to live my life. I know that my true vocation is to honor and glorify God and to proclaim Him to a lost and dying world. I know that you can and should do that with every job you take on. Lately I'm praying so hard just to make it through the day without shaming Him with my attitude that I have little concentration for anything else. So I've decided to pursue a long time passion of mine. Baking....note there is no "n" in that word. I love experimenting, learning new techniques and inventing new recipes. I love it so much that I want to do it for a living. So now you're saying...well don't they eat sugar in NC? Yes they do....but I will need to take such a pay cut to begin at the bottom and work in a bakery to learn my skills. (num chuck skills, computer hacking skills) anyway...I'm not going to be making enough to support myself. So I am moving back in with mom and dad.

I'm nervous about it...sure...I am so set in my little secluded way that I'm nervous about the stretching I'll need to do. I am excited though that I can do this.

So please pray for me over the next 9 months:

1.) For a clean transition from Carolina to Buckeye. From single gal to...shoot..one bathroom 3 people.
2.) For a job.
3.) For clarity.
4.) For the friends I will be leaving behind.
5.) For any preparation that I can do now before I go.
6.) For so much that I cannot put into words.

I leave this in the Fathers hands and with excitement...and a tear....and though sometimes I am tempted to take it back out of His hands and worry over it just a little more I trust that He knows my path. He knows when I wake and when I sleep. He knows what I need and what I don't need. He is my peace and He has broken down every wall. I look forward to the bend in my road.

Location Location Location

2010-01-18T14:17:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been reading alot about "Heavenly Focus". It seems like every study I pick up is dealing with it. Living with Heaven in view. Living with a "future focus". There are as many catchy phrases as there are study guides in the religious book stores. My question is this. With so many books...better yet...so many Biblical references calling us to be separate, to be pure, to be Holy........can it really be done? Is it possible to take it "too far"?

Pilippians says "let this mind be in you, (here is the scary part), which was also in Christ Jesus". My brain hurts to think about that statement...I am to have the mind of Christ. How? I've heard so many people say...well we can't ever be perfect, God knows that. I've heard others say that it is possible to be so Heavenly Minded that you're no earthly good. Is it really? I don't think so....not for me anyway. We really can't be holy as Christ is holy because of our sinnful nature. We won't be perfect until we're glorified. Although true, more often than not, we use that as an excuse. We use it to harbour sin in our lives. To squelcht the guilt of another failed attempt, or simply as a reason not to really try at all. We say thing like.."God knows my heart"...and move through our lives like that makes it all ok.

An old church song comes to mind. The world behind me...I am no longer bound by my sin. How can I who is dead to sin live in it any longer? The cross before me.....my focus, my mission is to live with Christ's sacrifice forever in my mind and His victory in my life. No turning back...no turning back. This is the Heavenly Focus. "For I determine not to know anything among you save Jesus Christ and Him Crucified" I Cor. 2:2.

I want to live with heaven in view. Just like the disciples I want others to know by simply hearing me speak that I have been with Jesus. I don't want to just read about being set apart and chosen, I want to be set apart and chosen.

"Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to thee take my moments and my days let them flow in ceaseless praise let them flow in ceaseless praise."

2009-07-05T16:33:00.000-07:00

So today I started studying for a new topic in the women's study. We are going to be talking about a lot of different topics.....that are all magically intertwined together.

To start off with we are talking about our position in Christ. What do we become, or rather what should we become when we as young ladies are adopted into the family of the king? The title of the lesson is "Once Upon A Time". I don't know, I think it's rather clever. Anyway.....what does it mean to be a Daughter of the King? A Princess. How does a princess of the Most High act. How does she respond to others. Dress, talk, think? All of these things are going through my head....so much in there...but it's so hard to reign it all in.

So anyway. I am anxious and nervous about this because I want my thoughts for this group to be God's thoughts. My plans His plans. I believe that He has placed this on my heart but it is an undertaking such as I have not done up until now. I would love prayers so that I would be able to organize everything into the lessons and weeks ahead, and that I will deal honestly and openly and with love....and that it will be encouraging and provoking the others to Godliness. Oh and that I won't leave anything out. Oh so much. Anyway....so yeah...prayer would be great!

Princess in Training!

Jaime

A Beastly King's Tale: Based On A True Story!

2009-03-24T19:46:00.000-07:00

There was a mighty king of old his heart was lifted high;
His city walls and towers strong his riches made him sigh.

Of all the kingdoms near and far of big and small combine;
no glory shadowed over him no king could match his shine.

And then this king lay down his head for night the sun had dimmed;
he closed his eyes to sleep thought he with pride his heart full brimmed.

Expected he to dream of wealth, of glory, fame, and praise;
instead a root of greatest height began to weave it's maze.

A sturdy tower, a blooming bud, a tree to heaven reached;
its fruit delivered willingly, it's sweetness all men preached.

It's shadow from the noon day heat provided creatures care;
of comfort, peace and sheltered rest for any stopping there.

No woodman's axe, no fires flame could take away it's length;
with passing time it's mighty limbs would only grow in strength.

Until one day a watcher from highest heaven flew;
along with him a holy one with both a mission true.

They felled the mighty trunk, yes and brought it to the ground;
destroying all but lowly stump, beside no leaf was found.

Seven seasons, seven rains, fruitless harvests, blinding rays;
no signature of greatness, no legacy, nor praise.

With this the king woke startled, quite unsure of what he'd seen;
he knew he had to seek it out what could the vision mean.

He called the wisest of the wise he searched for all his gods;
but none could find the reason and left the king at odds.

But then an idea struck him of one that he could call;
he claimed to be a servant of the greatest God of all.

The prophet stood in silence as the king relayed the tale;
and then left in eerie musement once instructed not to fail.

For hours the man sat speechless as Jehovah answered true;
the meaning of this vision brought sorrow coming due.

The tree explained the prophet oh prideful king is you;
reduced to live as cattle, you soon will follow through.

You credit all your power, your greatness and your wealth;
you look not to the maker but find it all in self.

Until you look with in you and see a creature true;
you never will be ready to bow your heart a new.

A day a, a week, a month, a year passed quickly for the king;
until the prophecy became a true and living thing.

His heart was full of wickedness, was woven through with pride;
he looked at all his kingdom and himself he glorified.

And before the next full hour in misery and shame;
the king had lost his senses this man a beast became.

For seven years he lingered his hair and nails grown thick,
he crawled on bended knee and hands as time began to tick.

And then one day God's mercy fell upon the wretched soul;
his memories returned to him, his senses became whole.

And in that very moment he praised the God most high;
for none can rule in power without Him standing by.

The beast became a king once more a modest, wiser king;
all honor and praises to only one would he forever sing.

And now my story's ended its moral should ring true;
a broken contrite spirit yield, lest pride make ruin you!

It's definitely a PETER NIGHT!

2009-03-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

OUCH! MY FEET AND LEGS HURT ME SO BAD. I CANNOT SLEEP. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY AGAIN! IT'S SO HARD TO EXPLAIN. IM FRUSTRATED AND UNCOMFORTABLE.

I CAST ALL MY CARES UPON YOU! I LAY ALL OF MY BURDEN DOWN AT YOUR FEET AND ANY TIME THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I WILL CAST ALL MY CARE UPON YOU.

j

2009-02-24T18:57:00.000-08:00

And so today I am officially down to one animal again. Lilly has grown increasingly "ill". I was so worried about her.....not playing, not eating, hiding a lot! Then one night about a week and a half ago she kept waking me up by running all over the place up things, down things, under things, and over them.....I was getting really irritated when I realized...she was trying to get away from Mylie. She just wanted to sleep, she's older, and she's used to sleeping at night. But 6 month old Mylie would not have it. I started paying closer attention and realized that when Lilly would try to eat...Mylie woud stop her...when she tried to drink...Mylie was right there. Poor Lilly is a one person cat...and she truly loves me the best she is able to....but adding another feline to the mix was more than she could take.

She's lived fine with Terriers, Lab mixes, and even a Chiuaua (sp?). She's fine with dogs...but there is only room for one cat around here I guess.

So today, bundled in a pink blanket...my beautiful gray kitten was sent back to the shelter I got her from. My friend Andrea went with me and as soon as I walk in the door I broke down. The lady behind the counter said...can I help you? To wich I responded with a sob and pointed to Andrea and said "talk". So Andrea started to explain...and the lady said..oh you're the one who called. Thankfully I had called early to explain why Mylie was being surrendered for adoption. The lady remembered and she said....it's ok. I filled out two forms and there you have it...they said we'll do the best we can and that was it.

I was so bummed but when I got home I was greeted by a bouncing happy Lilly. Now confindent in her position...and eating like a pig.

I will never forget that pretty little gray....I pray that she finds a great home...where she too will be queen bee.

I'm going to wait a year or two....then...I'm getting a dog. :-)

Remember When?

2009-02-11T18:41:00.001-08:00

As children some of the first verses we learn are Proverbs 3:6&7. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

Yippee! Got it! Here we go, down the path....straight ahead, no bends, no forks in the road, or speed bumps. Better yet no slimy disgusting pits of the devil to fall into! Nothing but blue skies and smooth sailing. Trusting in the Lord and letting Him direct.

Woe wait a minute...that's not you're life? It's not mine I can tell you that. Bumps, bruises, friends that fail, plans that fall apart. People that disappoint. Sound slightly more familiar?

Ok now we're on the same page...so we say Trust in the Lord and He will direct you! It says so right here! Do it! Just do it! Huhu...how?

How do you trust God when you don't know what's coming, when you don't know IF anything is coming at all? When you've been beat up, pushed around and left for dead? Do you muster up all of the Spiritual Fortitude in your tiny little heart and go for broke? Do you blink three times, turn around and spit on the ground? Or how about click your heels together three times? Sorry...they're RED HEELS with sparkles on them! (Ha Ha)

So what's the magic words to make the Trust come flooding into the soul and restore peace, refreshment, and focus?

Think about this:

When Joshua was taking over the leadership of the Israelites he said "remember how God brought you out", when they crossed over Jordan he put up a monument so that they would "remember", over and over year after disappointing year the Israelites were called to remember what God had done for them in the past. And with each memory, strength was renewed, hearts revived, and TRUST restored.

So tonight I sit and remember.....how God got us down a mountain in pitch black...with no head lights then brought a complete stranger to our motel door to pay for the car repairs.

How a small bunch of country folk in a little teeny Texas village gave me and my brother birthday parities...even though they'd never met us.

How many times checks showed up in the mail right when we needed them. Or a big trash bag full Christmas gift showed up on the porch when things were tight.

I remember my parents going to Greenland and coming back with just about as much money as they'd left with. And stories about a little girl in Alaska that gave her heart to God when a man looking for a mission field showed up and preached.

I remember the hundreds of believers that prayed, gave, and encouraged. Many many more than the ones that tore us down and drove us away.

I remember, and I am amazed! I remember and I am ashamed. I want so badly for those certain relationships and people to accept me...and here I am.....accepted by the God of the universe. What is wrong with me?

I remember the strong men that I had the privilege to sit under and learn from. Many of those men got paid to teach preacher boys the stuff I was getting for free. Many a preacher boy had to pay tuition for the stuff I got all summer long.

So I thank Him for the mountains, and I thank Him for the valleys, I thank Him for the trials He's brought me through....cause if I never had a problem I wouldn't know that God could solve em' and I wouldn't know what faith in God could do! Through it all, through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus and I've learned to trust His Power! Through it all, through it all, I've learned to depend upon His Word!

God's Blessing in Disobedient Times

2009-01-25T13:14:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl I used to constantly read the books of Ruth and Esther over and over again. We were encouraged at very young ages to try to get into a habit of individual reading apart from the family devotions. I was and still am a hopeless romantic. Cinderella was my hero! So I would read Ruth for the obvious romance and Esther because....well who wouldn't want to be queen and save the world?

Finally my dad told me, "Jaime, there are other books in the Bible...pick something else next time!"

So here I find myself once again going through a study in Ruth and Esther. It was chosen for the 12th grade girls at the church and we start it tonight. I get to start the lessons and I'm nervous. I'm always nervous because although I know the material, I don't know sometimes the best way to present it and what exactly the girls are going to need from it. I'm so glad God knows.

There is one over shadowing question in my mind. The amount of speculation that comes into play with the marriages of Ruth and Orpah to Mahlon and Chilion.

When the Elimelech gang packed it up and headed for the hills they were running away from famine, away from their land, their people....and their God. At first glance you think...the man's just providing for his family cut him some slack...but anytime that a Jewish individual took up residency in a pagan land, it was a picture that they were taking matters into their own hands and relying on their own strength. Essentially they were turning their backs on their God.

Disobedience Act 1: Elimelech decided that God could no longer care for his family and that he was going to need to do it himself. He headed to the land of their arch enemies...the Moabites. Unfortunately, trial followed him in Moab and he died there.

Disobedience Act 2: Weather or not the boys took their wives before or after their fathers death is not entirely clear. What is clear is that they shared their parents lack of respect for the God's laws and disbelief that God would provide. Soon after, they also died. Many speculate that their lack of trust and faith in God is what led to their death...this is not indicated in Scripture and can only be speculation.

The Blessing: So far Ruth is not such a wonderful fairytale aye? We have three men dead, and three widows without a penny to their names. Where is the blessing? Here, a picture of God's grace begins to peak through the clouds as Naomi decides to return home dejected, empty, and alone. In those last moments on the trail before heading down the mountain side Orpah leaves in tears. She's tasted of the God of Israel and all she sees is death and need. But then comes that beautiful speech...the speech so many now use as a picture of commitment in the wedding ceremony... Ruth says to Naomi, where you go, I will go, your people will be my people and your God my God! That is grace right there! God's grace! It is the testimony at the time of Ruth's conversion. She make the decision to follow God...to leave the world, her family, her friends, any chance of material possessions, all of it, behind her. She chooses to follow God....No Turning Back.

Does this mean we encourage disobedience. By no means....what it does mean is that even the stupid, faithless decisions of man cannot stop the work of Christ as He seeks and saves those who are lost. Either you will obey and follow Him and He will perfect His will in you and through you or you will decide to turn from Him and He will perfect His will in spite of you.

Choose to be a vessel of honor fit for His use!

Run with Patience
Heb 12:1
J~

I am a tea cup!

2008-11-16T15:51:00.000-08:00

We went away this weekend on a youth retreat for the girls in our church. The name of this retreat is Daughters of the King or DOTK. They rent out some beach houses and take the girls to the beach for the weekend.

There were a lot of great lessons taught. Patti gave an illustration of a little boy who love sail boats, and so his parents bought him a sail boat model kit for him to build. It was tedious work at times but because of his passion for the object he kept working until it was perfect. The next day he took it out and put it in a stream near his home. He ran joyfully beside the river as his beautiful creation floated casually down stream. Before the boy had time to realize it thought the current began moving faster and faster carrying his boat farther and farther from him. There was nothing he could do. He stood there crying as his new boat drifted out of sight. The next day while walking past the toy store in town he saw a boat, HIS boat in the window. He ran inside and excitedly explained to the clerk that the boat was his, he had made it piece by piece...the clerk looked at him and said well boy, for $20 you can take it home. Sadly the boy did not have the money and the clerk forced him to leave without his treasure. Over the next week, the boy worked tirelessly doing anything and everything he could to raise the money to buy back his beloved boat, finally the end of the week arrived and he had enough to pay the price. He ran down town and into the store and threw the money up on the counter....sir, I'm here for my boat, I've paid the price. At last the little boy was handed his boat. He clutched it tightly to his chest as he walked out into the street. As he turned towards home the toy clerk over heard him speaking to the boat as he cradled it in his arms....he said...boat I made you, and I've bought you, you are twice mine!

The Lord of all creation made us. He new from the very beginning of time what we'd be, and who we'd be...but he didn't stop there, He also died to pay the price that we owe for our sins.

He created us, he bought us....we are twice HIS! :-)

The next wonderful story that I heard was that of a tea cup. It was a narration given from the perspective of a beautiful delicate tea cup. I will not attempt to recreate the whole story, it was beautiful and I know I'd mess it up. But the point of the story was this.

This tea cup started out as a clump of mud. After being gathered by the master potter it began a painful process of being beaten, softened, molded, shaped and fired, and then after it cooled is was painted and fired again....through each stage of the process the tea cup explained the terror and pain associated in the process. Many many times through out the ordeal it would plead with the potter, please, please leave me alone...it hurts to much. To which the potter would respond no, not yet, I'm not done yet. After each trip through the fire the tea cup would be set aside on a shelf to cool and each time the potter would reach for it again to perform another transforming step the tea cup would cry please, what will you do with me now? What is next for me?

Many many times, I've felt like that tea cup. Beaten, spinning in circles, and run through the fire of this life. Lonely, sitting on the shelf, wondering, waiting to see what comes next.....sometime crying out to God saying, God it hurts too much, what's next? What do you want from me? What will you do with me now? At the end of the story the tea cup was transformed into a delicate, beautiful creation! More importantly if became useful and needed. A treasure. We don't know what the fire is that we will pass through next....nor how many trips through the kiln we will face....praise our Heavenly Father! He does know, and He know why too! How Great Is OUR GOD!

Day by day and with each passing moment strength I find to meet my trials hear! Trusting in my Fathers wise bestowment I've no cause for worry or for fear. He whose heart is kind beyond all measure give unto each day what deems best lovingly it's part of pain and pleasure mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord Himself is near me with special mercy for each hour, all my cares He fain would bear and cheer me He whose name is COUNSELOR and POWER! The protection of His child and treasure is a charge that on Himself He lays...as your days your strength shall be in measure this the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation so to trust your promise Oh Lord that I lose not faiths sweet consolation offered me within your Holy Word. Help me Lord when toil and trouble meeting e'er to take as from a Fathers hand. One by one the days the moments fleeting till I reach the promise land.

Baseball Bats, Tazers, and Frying Pans

2008-11-11T18:36:00.000-08:00

I've been living on my own for about 5 or 6 years now. Lonely at times but for the most part everything is pretty much going as should be expected.

This past Sunday evening.......all of that changed. I was walking out of my apartment and down the stairs to ground level.....it was about 5:45pm. I LOVE living so close to the church! Church starts at 6pm....and I wasn't even late!

So anyway this man was sitting near the bottom of the steps and as I passed by he looked at me....his face really red and eyes watering to the point of tears. He was probably in his late 5o's or early 60's so my first thought was heart attack. I asked him if he was ok.....to which he responded....no, no I'm not ok.

Now I will tell you that my first instinct was to say sorry about that and keep on walking.....but I immediately thought to myself "Self, you been praying for opportunities to reach out to the lost....so start reaching." So I asked the man, what was wrong and he said he was thinking about his past. Said that he'd done a lot of bad things in his life. So I said, Oh what brought that on. The man told me that he'd gone to church and that he's done some really bad things. So I told him that God would forgive that if he gave his life over to God....that Christ paid the price so that he could be forgiven from his sin and his past. He said no....not me, God won't for give me.....I started to explain that my God is an awesome, powerful God when he interrupted me to ask my marital status. Red lights flashed in my brain and the nagging feeling that had been tugging at me the whole time became to intense to ignore.....Get away and get away fast. So I simply told him that I had to go but that God could forgive his sin....was the only one who could if this man would put is trust in God......as I tried to turn to leave the man said that he'd killed people......so I simply thought....hhmmmm ok....got to go.....I told the man that the Apostle Paul had killed people simply for believing in Christ and today because of his belief in Christ he is in Heaven....I've got to go but I'll be praying for you. With that I walked away....a very brisk walk to my car. A few minutes later I was at church.

I talked to one of my preachers who said, call the police. I talked to our head of security who said that the man was probably just drunk but that I should be alert and keep my eyes open.....he gave me his card. I talked to another one of my preachers who told me to call him when I got home to make sure that I got home.

And then, I decided....pepper spray.....I'm getting pepper spray. So I began the research, no one sells it...but everyone is supposed to have it. Almost everyone I talked to said Walmart....Nope....they did have the portable blow horns though.....then I looked online....did you know they have pink tazers? Huh....but no....I wanted pepper spray.

Then starts the suggestions from friends and family......brother says get a gun....not quite ready for a gun...my friend Ashely.....her thoughts were the best...take a frying pan to bed with you....then you can cook him breakfast in the morning....HUM OK....then she said a good old fashion ball bat....good but still not the practical idea that I'm looking for. So I presented the issue of the missing pepper spray in study tonight. I was instructed how to hold my keys to create a sort of "brass knuckle" effect, I was told to install extra locks, and to make deliberate notice of all points of entrance on my home....thankfully there is really only one. Be alert, stay vigil, fight like a crazy women....nails, teeth feet. Kristine said "tazer him....just tazer him...I want a tazer...they're cool!" Ok so all the suggested registered the advise checked in....and prayer request made.....the best thing anyone could have ever said to me was this.

After study as we cleaned up and prepared to leave my friend Tara approached me and put a key in my hand. She said to me, trust your instinct, this is my spare key. If you ever, ever feel like you can't go into your home come to mine....don't even get out of your car. You know where I live.....you come right away....if I'm home or if I'm not....you come and wait.

Sometimes, all you need is knowing that you've got a place to go....and people that are taking you seriously, and taking you to the Father in prayer.

Isn't God Good?

Run with patience!
Jaime
Heb 12:1

2008-11-07T19:14:00.000-08:00

I am and will be praying that God will be glorified in and through the new administration and that God will protect and empower His people to stand in the days to come!

I struggle, however, with grasping the historical buzz of the past few days. I understand that it was historical and I understand people are excited but to the height that it's reached? I don't get it.

Before you get upset with me....give me a moment to explain.

I honestly never notice race. The community I was born in and spent many years in was and still is a majority of African American population. In Youngstown and Warren white people seemed to be a minority. I heard people say all the time....don't look at what someone does or doesn't do based on the color of their skin. The color of ones skin doesn't matter, it's how they live......what they do, and how they apply themselves. So when a person achieved a certain level of success it always used to offend me when I heard them say things like, "yeah and he's African American too, so good for him!?!" What? And I guess that's what I've been hearing lately.....I just don't get it.

He's a man....just like, Bush, or Clinton, or Garfield...(no one is like Reagen :-D ) a man who became President. Prejudices have and will continue to exist...people have and will continue to overcome that as long as sin is on the earth.

Please, please, don't get me wrong. I do not minimize the terrors of slavery or prejudice. I know it was bad, real bad! I guess I just feel like all this talk about him making it to the White House and being black too......I don't know....it seems to me like it keeps the whole thing going and going. If I were him....I think I'd want people to talk about how hard I worked to get there, or the issues and plans I will begin to implement, not the fact that I am black. The fact that he's there in the highest office in the land....even if I like his moral beliefs or not.....is the accomplishment. Not the fact that he's a black man.

Again, I do not belittle the accomplishments nor the struggles that some have gone through....

We shout the praises of how far America has come in this issue....and I guess, I guess that's true....but I think our country will not really get past it until the color of ones skin truly is a mute point.

Oh Church Arise!

2008-11-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

I love election season....the whole process thrills me! It always has, from the conventions, to the voting, to the irritatingly biased commentary.....I watch it all. Often I end up throwing things at my TV in disgust over a comment that is way off base, and this year was not different in many aspects.
But in one very huge aspect.....it was very, very different. I have prayed like I have never prayed over an election before! Today before I left for Bible Study I kneeled in my living room begging God to intervene once again on the behalf of my beloved America! I struggled to find words that would express a prayer that has been circling inside of me....and then the prayer came, Father, make your church ready. We are not ready, God we are stale and stagnant! Barely there, barely in the fight. God make us ready for battle.....because the time is near.
After Bible Study I rushed home and turned on my TV to see the familiar shape of my country big and bold on the screen, some states in red and some in blue. I settled in with a glass of O.J. and prepared myself for the long evening ahead. I didn't expect it to end so soon.
As I sat on the sofa and watched the color blue become more and more prominent, tears began to fill my eyes, at first slowly, and then like a rush! I could not believe what I was seeing. I fell on my face as the last states were called and the winner declared....I sobbed and I sobbed hard! My country had fallen. On my face in the middle of my living room I cried out to God. The verse in 2 Chronicles 7:14 kept ringing through my head....to which I replied, I know God...but America won't listen....they won't hear.
Then I pulled out my Bible and read the words to a verse I memorized as a child-"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." The words MY PEOPLE....CALLED BY MY NAME...they kept rolling over and over again in my head and then it hit me.
The fault lies with me....with the church of God....we are the ones who have turned from God to wickedness, we are the ones who tolerate a mediocre existence and those little "white" sins within the body. We are the ones that the call to repentance needs to generate with first. So I began to sing it...in the song that I'd learned...as tears continued to flow. If my people which are called by my name shall humble themselves, shall humble themselves and pray....then will I hear from heaven.....
The early leaders of the church lived unmistakably with the focus of the kingdom ever before them. They were on this earth for one reason and one reason alone. They were scattered abroad..preaching, Acts 11:19. They did not struggle with their purpose, their careers, and futures….they knew that they were there to make disciple for Christ….”baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you!” Matt 28:19-22. Preach, and teach and remember the Lord until He comes.
As the nest we have made for ourselves begins to rattle and shake, as the fibers we have so carefully woven become undone….let us look to the author and finisher of our faith. We need to begin to run once again like those who have gone before us, and run with patience the race that is set before us. Heb 12:1.
Make us ready Oh God for battle once again.....make us ready to fight, and worthy to stand. Take us once and for all out of the lull of sleep and the complacency of “Doubting Castle” and like the church fathers from Christ’s day, make us bold, able soldiers, ready and worthy to fight for the sake of the Gospel.
I am broken, but resting in the mighty arm of my Savior. Praying for deliverance, repentance, and strength for the body of the Lord Jesus Christ....the time has come, no, the time it well past due!
"Oh church arise and put your armor on hear the call of Christ our Captain. For now the weak can say that they are strong in the strength that God has given. With shield of faith and belt of truth we stand against the devils lies an army bold who’s battle cry is love reaching out to those in darkness. Our call to war to love the captive soul but to rage against the captor and with the sword that makes the wounded whole we will fight with faith and valor. When faced with trials on every side we know the outcome is secure and Christ will have the prize for which He died and inheritance of nations!!"

Looking for that blessed hope! Titus 2:13
Jaime

1983-1993

2008-10-13T18:49:00.000-07:00

Someone recently asked me what my favorite year was and why. I thought about it and I was shocked to realize that it was between the years of 1983 and 1993. Those years and those experiences were amazing!!

I was asked that question on a trip with a group of friends to Writesville Beach. We never actually made it to the beach because it rained all day. But I realized somethings about myself this weekend.

I grew up unlike any other person I've ever met. I love how I was raised and how we grew up and the life lessons that we were taught!

I didn't grow up doing the normal things that people did. I didn't go to beaches during the summer....I didn't even really know how to pack for a day at the beach. I went to mission's conferences and Bible Summer Camps and Camp Meetings. I didn't spend the long "dog" days of summer in giggles and gossip by the pool with classmates. I spent summers fighting my brother for space on the back seat of our maroon station wagon. Reading books about Hellen Keller, Bruce Olsen, and Nancy Drew while going from Cherokee, NC, to San Antonio, to Oklahoma, and back again.

I turned 13, 14, and 15 in three different states and was even thrown a surprise birthday party by a church full of total strangers. I still have one of the gifts that they gave me! I will always remember standing on the spot where Davey Crockett died and seeing my father cry as he read the monuments in Washington, DC. The San Antonio Zoo was amazing and Oklahoma....well...hot and dry is what I remember most...oh and the rose rocks were awesome! I remember my thrill of getting to sleep in a spare bedroom that had pink roses and boarders of satin on a down comforter. It was so elegant I pretended to be cold just so that I could use it. Or the time we stayed in an old funeral home in Waycross Georgia and I was so terrified that I had to pretend I was Nancy Drew in order to fall asleep. I could literally go on and on with the interesting things we saw and did in our years.

I've struggled the past few weeks with the fact that I'm so stinking serious. I try to loosen up and be silly and fun like everyone around me...but it's a tough sell. It's just not natural for me. Don't get me wrong I LOVE to laugh and goof off just like everyone....but I seem to do it differently. I've been told a few different times that I am older than my age. I didn't take it as a compliment. Boring was how I'd translate that statement. But then when I think about my life growing up.....all I can do is smile and praise God for those experiences.

I know how to give my testimony in written or spoken form. This I am told is difficult for some. I've learned diplomacy and how to swallow something when you think it is absolutely disgusting.....for the sake of the one giving it. I've learned that it is very enjoyable to talk to those decades past you in years and that often asking an older person one question about themselves will not only provide hours of fascinating stories, it will make them smile for a lot longer than that. I've learned that the truth of the Gospel is worth fighting for. And that shaking the dust off your feet, so to speak.....can be a very scary experience. I've learned that God provides alternators from preachers you don't know in Motels 6's in Kentucky. And that Cherokee, North Carolina at night, can be scary to a little girl with a vivid imagination,

But mostly I've learned that God will supply ALL that we need, He still does perform wondrous miracles! And when we are doing HIS WORK He will do the rest. And lastly that the body of Christ is amazing in reaching out and taking in a stranger and making them a sister even if they're only going to see you one time this side of heaven!

So many awesome lessons! I will never forget it. Those years traveling in the back of that Chevy Station wagon was hands on experience in following Christ. So yes, I am more serious than most. More pensive that some would prefer but I hope and pray that the lessons that I've learned and the training I've been given is being used and will be used as an effective tool in the Master's plan.

I Thessalonians 2:12 says..."that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory." That is my prayer.....I trust that He has prepared me as He sees fit for the work that He will entrust to me. Oh that I would be worthy of that calling and that I would embrace the gifts and talents that He's given to me...instead of wishing I could trade them for the gifts of those around me.

Kind of gives a new light to Psalms 139:14...."I am fearfully and wonderfully made!"

Run with patience!

Jaime

I'm hanging up my coffee mug!!!

2008-10-08T19:15:00.000-07:00

So, I've been having these very strange headaches. It's been going on for a couple of months and finally after talking to a doctor friend in Ohio, I decided it was time to bite the bullet and go for a check up. Since I didn't have a doctor to go to I asked around and two different people in my church made the same suggestion. I got the phone number and made the appointment.

So today at 9:10 am I am sitting in the waiting room filling out the insurance papers. At promptly 9:30am (my scheduled apt time) I am escorted through the standard height, weight, and vitals ritual. Then I am taken to the examination room where I figure I'll have to wait for quite some time....I was very wrong. Just a few short minutes after that I am greeted by the sweetest lady. She is about my age and she is the doc. Docs assistant actually, which I think is code for Doc in Training. So she begins to ask me about my symptoms. The why, when, how, where....all the gorey details.

After some time of talking, asking, listening, and typing (she carries around a lap top, gone are the days of hand written folders) she proceeds to administer a neurological evaluation. Look at the light, hold your hands up, squeeze my hands, walk a straight line, walk on tip toes....let me hit you with this hammer......touch your tongue to your forehead. Well maybe not that last one, but only because she didn't think of it!!! It was extensive. I felt like I was being evaluated for my level of intoxication. You'll all be glad to know that I passed!!! So she sits down again...thinks for just a moment and then tries one more thing....."could be vertigo" she says....but your symptoms aren't quite consistent enough.

She has me sit on the examination table and then relax my body and tells me to let myself fall back until she catches me....I think to my self "we've just met, such trust required so soon?" but I did it several times with my head in various positions. Nothing happened. To which the wise young Doc says....well if it were vertigo we would have been able to recreate the symptoms...since we can't.....I'm going to go get my supervising phycisian...ok...great! She needs reinforcements.

So a few minutes later she comes back with older but still young, and very cute doctor (married). He asks me a couple of questions, turns and twists my head a few times. And the answer is no, I cannot unscrew my head and leave it somewhere....he was obviously trying to find out. Then he says to me....how much fluids do you get. I think for just a moment wondering how to tell this man that I don't have a clue. So I said "about 10 classes?" He smiles, and says "and how much of that is".....brace yourself.....here it comes......"caffeine?" Ahh, do NOT go there!!! I quickly look to the floor and stutter, "most of it". He says, "ok, here's the deal, you aren't consistent or progressive enough for a brain tumor, but if you want to do the MRI and go ahead and rule that out now you can. OR you can take the next two weeks and start hydrating with water....Oh and cut back on the coffee".....the words came out in slow motion. Like the freeze frame at the climax of a movie. No...please.....take it back! But he had said it, and he had meant it too! 80 ounces of water and no more than 1...UNO....ONE...cup of coffee every day.

Ahh....Starbucks, and Caribou....I will miss you both!!! Nothing like that nice warm coffee mug in the morning, except one in the afternoon, evening and late night too!!! LOVE my coffee!!! Miss my coffee......it was a comfort to wrap my hands around it and smell the different smells of the rich blends and syrups of the coffee houses, or aisle. The sound of the cappuccino machines frothing the milk, the steam shooting out from the stainless steel valves. The grinding of the coffee grinder and the aroma of freshly crushed beans floating deliciously through the cafe' and into the crispness of an autumn afternoon and the chocolate covered espresso beans used as garnish to a great Cafe Mocha! I used to love to sit and watch the snow fall and listen to the crackel of the fire in the fire place while cradling a Depth Charge or Mint Condition Espresso masterpiece! Gone are the days!!!

And so the verdict "Chronic Dehydration" the solution.....someone in the coffee industry will probably get laid of for the sudden lack of revenue caused by my forced retirement as coffee connoisseur!!!

I will never forget the good times we had....

Now...I must go to bed...meeting Ashley at 7:30am at Caribou........

He did say I can have ONE....I'm baby stepping....

Looking for that Blessed Hope!

J~

IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE...NO IT'S NICHOLAS SPARKS!

2008-10-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

Ok so all week I push and push and push...waiting, anticipating the weekend! Cannot wait until the weekend.

So it's Friday 5....4....3...2...1... I'm out the door! Off to meet Tara and Anna at Barnes and Noble...they are getting books signed by Mr. Nicholas Sparks! I go all the way to the book store....it is literally a MAD HOUSE. People absolutely everywhere! People running to see this man who writes novels.... popular he is, (I think in Yoda speak), who knew? So I circle the parking lot for 20 minutes until I find a spot. Phew, ok good, one hurdle down....now to find my friends.

I walk through the doors of this huge wonderland of printed pages......I love book stores....if only I could take more time to actually READ! Anyway, I start scanning the aisles slowly and carefully looking for the two ladies that I was to spend my evening with....no sign of them....so I pick up my cell phone and call....Tara's voice mail...so I call again....Anna's voice mail. As I leave the second message...I survey the crowds of people hoping to catch site of my friends.

What I see is a bit "novel-ish" in and of itself....clusters of people...(mostly women) standing, leaning, and sitting all over the aisles of the book store. Some reading Nicholas Sparks, other cradling the novels in their arms and chatting excitedly to their companions about how nice he will be, how cute he is, or what their ABSOLUTE FAVORITE "Sparks Creation" is. Again, who knew?

I turn to see a man standing on a table at the far end of the store with a micro-phone in his hand...he talking about something...what is he saying....Oh he's talking about books....HIS books...Ok, that's Nicholas Sparks! So again I scan the enraptured audience in hopes of finding the girls. Nada! But he was cute!

So I call again....and again and yet again....no answer and no sign of Tara or Anna. So I am just about to sit myself down at the coffee bar (obviously!) and relax when miss Anna rings my phone....she says "Hey Jaimers where are you?" I said I'm here, where are you....she said you're here where I don't see you? I thought that response was a bit odd given the fact that it would be virtually impossible to look up and "see" anyone....so I said Uhm, where are you? She said we're at Moes, did you go to the right store or do you know how to get here? (couldn't quite understand due the the noise on both sides of the conversation. I said MOES? Why are you at Moes....Tara told me to come here....after work....so I'm here.....Oh no! She laughs, sooooo sorry! I didn't know....we got done early and we decided to meet everyone else at Moes. Do you want me to come there? No...actually we're just about done here....just go to Tara's we're going to watch a movie.

So I leave the mayhem of the Sparks Fan Club and rush to my car....run all the way over the Chipotle's...because of course I had come straight from work.....I order my lovely steak burrito and for the first time in ages...I ate the WHOLE thing, while driving down US 1 towards Apex....please don't tell Trooper Vick! But hey, I didn't spill it!

So I did finally meet up with the girls at 8:00pm...and all was right with the world once again!

Moral of the story....never underestimate the popularity of a Romance Novelist!!!

Run with patience
Jaime

Rich People Take Out Their Own Trash!

2008-10-02T19:27:00.000-07:00

So today at work we had a client that was really, REALLY, well off apply for an increase to one of their loans.....it was surprising to see the financial statements and it kind of made us all drop our mouths in genuine surprise.

Only one word for it, impressive....this guy obviously worked hard during his life and I was glad for him....several houses, multiple vehicles, possessions, travel...on and on and on.....human nature tends to put this picture of someone of means sitting in a plush room being waited on hand and foot not lifting a finger......

So I had the chance to call this very lively, fun, gentleman to inform him that his request had been approved. His lovely wife answered the phone and after I stated who I was and requested to speak with her husband she replied....Yes dear, hold on....he's coming back up the drive way....he had to go get the trash can from the street!!!! I don't know why...but it made me laugh...

Rich people have to take out the trash too!

Run with Patience

Jaime

November 4th~The suspense is KILLING ME!!

2008-10-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

As I sit once again....only 4 years later...throwing things at my television screen I realize....this year is epic. Drum roll please!

I have no idea what's going to happen in a month. None...usually I can guess....slightly educated in the ways of Washington...not an expert...but I like to think I'm somewhat alert.

This election, these people are so vastly different from each other....so incredibly opposite...I can't see the point in a debate.....either you believe your favorite girl...(oops did I say that) or you believe the other guy. So then do debates really do any good? Because the person I like speaks and I'm like..."Yes, that's right go get em'!" The other side sends a rebuttal and I'm pitching a coaster across the room at the TV screen. My point? I believe what I believe and who I believe....and HE isn't going to change my mind....and I'd wager that most every American in this election knows right now who they're going to vote for.....so let's cut to the chase....

Two candidates take the stage....both answer the same questions completely different from the other....both make opposing accusations....someones lying...someones telling the truth....since we, the American people have no way of actually know if he did that and she said that and so on and so forth...then why to we stay up past our bed time to watch something that is supposed to help us decide when we've really already decided.

Get up, go vote....unless you're voting against me...then hit the snooze button!!!

Here's hoping for yet one more glimpse of that "City on a Shining Hill"!

Missing Ronald Reagan!!!

Run with Patience!
Jaime

No...wait...let's try this again!

2008-09-30T19:19:00.000-07:00

So it seems my wonderful family....Bill, Carrie and Miss Heather have taken my last post to be a bit of a "downer". You've got it slightly wrong......

I do get sad when I think about the boys, or my parents, or Carrie, or Bill....BUT....to write about it is actually a fun and joyful way to work through the lonely times.

Yes, recently....VERY recently, I've felt like tucking tail and running home. Recently I've had some blows to my confidence and trust that God has me here for a reason and recently I've broken down into fits of tears.....a fearsome thing to say the least.

But when I say that I will use this blog to sound off on those memories.....that is a precious thing to me. A chance to say...... look at what is behind me....the foundation that God has given me...the prayers that hold me up....the parents who love and pray for me...the brother who's always been there, the sister who knows just what to say right when I need to hear it....the little voices on the other end of the phone that say "I love you Aunt Jaime". Praise God and Hallelujah!!!

That is what makes me...me. The glue that God has given me....if you're right across the street or around the world...you will always be one of the many blessings God has used to shape me and mold me.

For that I praise His name....it is in that spirit and for that reason that I wrote those things.....not because I wish to wallow in self pity....but because I DON'T want to. Because writing about my life and what was, and the memories that we've made....helps me praise God and look to Him for the present.

I sum it up with a song by Twila Paris:

Lately I've been winning battles left and right....but even winners can get wounded in the fight.
People say that I'm amazing strong beyond my years, but they don't see inside of me, I'm hiding all the tears, they don't know that I go running home when I fall down, they don't know who picks me up when no one is around, I drop my sword and cry for just a while......cuz deep inside this armour the warrior is a child.

I run to God and He says look, look at what I've given you...

Dad
Mom
Bill
Carrie
Bill
Josiah
Titus
Maranatha
Strong teachers of the word
New friends that love Gods Word
Memories (old and new)

So maybe I will cry from time to time......but my tears are most often turned to tears of thanksgiving when I consider all He's done for me!

Unafraid because His armour is the best, but even soldiers need a quiet place to rest. People say that I'm amazing never face retreat, but they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet, they don't know that I go running home when I fall down they don't know who picks me up when no one is around.....I drop my sword and look up for a smile....cuz deep inside this armour the warrior is a child.

Run with patience
Jaime

Creative Writing

2008-09-29T17:25:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE to talk....about anything and just about everything. But more than talking, I love to write.

Writing about thoughts, feelings, desires, and dreams. DREAMS...those things that are just outside of my reach...but the things that I keep reaching for and hoping for and praying for.....

And so from time to time I pour my heart onto what ever scrap of paper that happens to be lying around and I call it a poem....and then that poem is added to a drawer with tons of other scraps of paper.....and thus my poetry session is complete for another 6 months.....or until something or someone breaks my heart enough to cause me to write.

So today....my brother starts a blog....the same brother (I have only one) that used to beg me in school to please write his papers for him!!! He writes a blog that, I must say, was very well written. So I tell him that it was a nice piece of work.....and he says ''no, it was silly, not really about anything". I said Bill it was great! It was "creative writing".

Creative writing, I adore creative writing, but I am beginning to grow a little tired of saving all those little scraps of paper.....so I've decided to begin my blog.....to write a journal where the "ponderings" of my heart will find a place to rest. :-)

Creative or not, perhaps this will be the sounding board that will get me through the lonely nights when I would give anything to take my nephews in my arms and give them great big bear hugs.....or to sit and watch Lawrence Welk with my dad. To drink coffee and watch an old "black and whites" with my mom, or go to the mall with Carrie. Or just hang out with my big brother and grill Kilbasa on the grill. Those are my favorite things in this life.....it's the little things, ya know? The things that remind you of the laughter of youth....like a song that sings...."Jesus Christ is coming again!", or the crisp feeling of a fall breeze.....those things remind me of a time that is so far away from me tonight......those memories and so many more. It's those things that I will try to recreate, even if only for a moment, when I sit down to write.

Until then

Run with patience!

Jaime