No...wait...let's try this again!

So it seems my wonderful family....Bill, Carrie and Miss Heather have taken my last post to be a bit of a "downer". You've got it slightly wrong......

I do get sad when I think about the boys, or my parents, or Carrie, or Bill....BUT....to write about it is actually a fun and joyful way to work through the lonely times.

Yes, recently....VERY recently, I've felt like tucking tail and running home. Recently I've had some blows to my confidence and trust that God has me here for a reason and recently I've broken down into fits of tears.....a fearsome thing to say the least.

But when I say that I will use this blog to sound off on those memories.....that is a precious thing to me. A chance to say...... look at what is behind me....the foundation that God has given me...the prayers that hold me up....the parents who love and pray for me...the brother who's always been there, the sister who knows just what to say right when I need to hear it....the little voices on the other end of the phone that say "I love you Aunt Jaime". Praise God and Hallelujah!!!

That is what makes me...me. The glue that God has given me....if you're right across the street or around the world...you will always be one of the many blessings God has used to shape me and mold me.

For that I praise His name....it is in that spirit and for that reason that I wrote those things.....not because I wish to wallow in self pity....but because I DON'T want to. Because writing about my life and what was, and the memories that we've made....helps me praise God and look to Him for the present.

I sum it up with a song by Twila Paris:

Lately I've been winning battles left and right....but even winners can get wounded in the fight.
People say that I'm amazing strong beyond my years, but they don't see inside of me, I'm hiding all the tears, they don't know that I go running home when I fall down, they don't know who picks me up when no one is around, I drop my sword and cry for just a while......cuz deep inside this armour the warrior is a child.

I run to God and He says look, look at what I've given you...

Dad
Mom
Bill
Carrie
Bill
Josiah
Titus
Maranatha
Strong teachers of the word
New friends that love Gods Word
Memories (old and new)

So maybe I will cry from time to time......but my tears are most often turned to tears of thanksgiving when I consider all He's done for me!

Unafraid because His armour is the best, but even soldiers need a quiet place to rest. People say that I'm amazing never face retreat, but they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet, they don't know that I go running home when I fall down they don't know who picks me up when no one is around.....I drop my sword and look up for a smile....cuz deep inside this armour the warrior is a child.

Run with patience
Jaime

Creative Writing

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE to talk....about anything and just about everything. But more than talking, I love to write.

Writing about thoughts, feelings, desires, and dreams. DREAMS...those things that are just outside of my reach...but the things that I keep reaching for and hoping for and praying for.....

And so from time to time I pour my heart onto what ever scrap of paper that happens to be lying around and I call it a poem....and then that poem is added to a drawer with tons of other scraps of paper.....and thus my poetry session is complete for another 6 months.....or until something or someone breaks my heart enough to cause me to write.

So today....my brother starts a blog....the same brother (I have only one) that used to beg me in school to please write his papers for him!!! He writes a blog that, I must say, was very well written. So I tell him that it was a nice piece of work.....and he says ''no, it was silly, not really about anything". I said Bill it was great! It was "creative writing".

Creative writing, I adore creative writing, but I am beginning to grow a little tired of saving all those little scraps of paper.....so I've decided to begin my blog.....to write a journal where the "ponderings" of my heart will find a place to rest. :-)

Creative or not, perhaps this will be the sounding board that will get me through the lonely nights when I would give anything to take my nephews in my arms and give them great big bear hugs.....or to sit and watch Lawrence Welk with my dad. To drink coffee and watch an old "black and whites" with my mom, or go to the mall with Carrie. Or just hang out with my big brother and grill Kilbasa on the grill. Those are my favorite things in this life.....it's the little things, ya know? The things that remind you of the laughter of youth....like a song that sings...."Jesus Christ is coming again!", or the crisp feeling of a fall breeze.....those things remind me of a time that is so far away from me tonight......those memories and so many more. It's those things that I will try to recreate, even if only for a moment, when I sit down to write.

Until then

Run with patience!

Jaime