No...wait...let's try this again!

So it seems my wonderful family....Bill, Carrie and Miss Heather have taken my last post to be a bit of a "downer". You've got it slightly wrong......

I do get sad when I think about the boys, or my parents, or Carrie, or Bill....BUT....to write about it is actually a fun and joyful way to work through the lonely times.

Yes, recently....VERY recently, I've felt like tucking tail and running home. Recently I've had some blows to my confidence and trust that God has me here for a reason and recently I've broken down into fits of tears.....a fearsome thing to say the least.

But when I say that I will use this blog to sound off on those memories.....that is a precious thing to me. A chance to say...... look at what is behind me....the foundation that God has given me...the prayers that hold me up....the parents who love and pray for me...the brother who's always been there, the sister who knows just what to say right when I need to hear it....the little voices on the other end of the phone that say "I love you Aunt Jaime". Praise God and Hallelujah!!!

That is what makes me...me. The glue that God has given me....if you're right across the street or around the world...you will always be one of the many blessings God has used to shape me and mold me.

For that I praise His name....it is in that spirit and for that reason that I wrote those things.....not because I wish to wallow in self pity....but because I DON'T want to. Because writing about my life and what was, and the memories that we've made....helps me praise God and look to Him for the present.

I sum it up with a song by Twila Paris:

Lately I've been winning battles left and right....but even winners can get wounded in the fight.
People say that I'm amazing strong beyond my years, but they don't see inside of me, I'm hiding all the tears, they don't know that I go running home when I fall down, they don't know who picks me up when no one is around, I drop my sword and cry for just a while......cuz deep inside this armour the warrior is a child.

I run to God and He says look, look at what I've given you...

Dad
Mom
Bill
Carrie
Bill
Josiah
Titus
Maranatha
Strong teachers of the word
New friends that love Gods Word
Memories (old and new)

So maybe I will cry from time to time......but my tears are most often turned to tears of thanksgiving when I consider all He's done for me!

Unafraid because His armour is the best, but even soldiers need a quiet place to rest. People say that I'm amazing never face retreat, but they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet, they don't know that I go running home when I fall down they don't know who picks me up when no one is around.....I drop my sword and look up for a smile....cuz deep inside this armour the warrior is a child.

Run with patience
Jaime