This is so cool! I am writing to you on my lunch break at work! AT WORK! I got wireless internet this week. I actually have something to do to take my mind away from this place for a little while. Yeah! This is great, I turn on the PC...plug in this little balck thing, wait just a moment and boom. I have the internet...I've checked my e-mails and looked at a couple of sites. Fun! I need to get some head phones...I'll be able to watch tv shows or something like that during my lunches...or YouTube...I can do Pandora.com or Itunes...or NetFlix!! Ahh the freedom....what a feeling! Ok...I'm done!
Today has been rough....this week has been rough. Come on Friday night....I will be one happy girl at 5pm.
I made a collage of pictures of the kids and my parents and grandparents. I put it up at my desk and it's really nice. I think I'm going to find a big picture frame to put it in...it's quite lovely. So that is what I'm looking at today...as I kill time.
I think I'm going to try to start my novel again this weekend. I found the character profiles that I wrote a few months back and it made me anxious to do something with them. I've got a part of a plot...but I need to figure out how to develope it.
So anyway, I guess I have nothing significant for this blog. I just wanted to post something to celebrate my online independence. Have a good one people!
Once lunch is over I will have 4 hours left. Tonight I am going to try to clean up the clutter scattered around my house....and keep it that way...this time. :-)
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Bend in the Road
It's been so long since I've written. I actually kind of forgot I had this. I deactivated my Facebook account and sudenly I have all this free time at night....and I thought I didn't go on Facebook a lot. Boy, was I wrong!
So what's new? What's new? Alot and nothing at the same time. Work is still work....between you, me, and the dog sleeping on my feet...I am miserable there. I tread onward praying for my "bend in the road". I think I know when that bend will come...April 2011. I have made the decision to move back to the Ohio/Pa area. Why do I list both? Because more than likely I will be jumping over the boarder quite often. My parents live just a few moments from the Pa line.
I am sad to leave NC. I will miss the heat, the sun, my irratic hair brained friends....ok this is sounding too much like a Twilight novel...no seriously I will miss the area...it's really pretty here. I will miss my friends..the small little group of ladies that God has blessed me with the past few years. I wish I can take you all with me. So you may ask why are you going if you are so sad to leave? A few of you may list 8 very monumental reasons. You'd be right....but not entirely. I love my family and I am lonely here more often then not....but that's not why I'm going...entirely...though Josiah crying on the phone does have a big part of that.
I realized something this past year that has been poking at me for a long time. I have been living in neutral. "Lady in Waiting" should have been the name of the blog for so long. I've been praying and hoping that God would bless me with a husband and children of my own. With that prayer in my heart I kept telling myself...it doesn't matter that your job makes you miserable, it doesn't matter that you would almost...ALMOST...hug your boss if he fired you tomorrow. It doesn't matter because..."ONE DAY YOUR PRINCE WILL COME." and then none of this 8-5 terror will seem important. Not that I thought I'd get to quit working right away. I'm fine with working until I have kids. But I thought it would be easier if I had someone.
Well a few months ago....I woke up. I'm 32. Yes, I still want to get married. Sometimes, I believe he might even be out there. The point is...I'm done waiting. I need to live my life. I know that my true vocation is to honor and glorify God and to proclaim Him to a lost and dying world. I know that you can and should do that with every job you take on. Lately I'm praying so hard just to make it through the day without shaming Him with my attitude that I have little concentration for anything else. So I've decided to pursue a long time passion of mine. Baking....note there is no "n" in that word. I love experimenting, learning new techniques and inventing new recipes. I love it so much that I want to do it for a living. So now you're saying...well don't they eat sugar in NC? Yes they do....but I will need to take such a pay cut to begin at the bottom and work in a bakery to learn my skills. (num chuck skills, computer hacking skills) anyway...I'm not going to be making enough to support myself. So I am moving back in with mom and dad.
I'm nervous about it...sure...I am so set in my little secluded way that I'm nervous about the stretching I'll need to do. I am excited though that I can do this.
So please pray for me over the next 9 months:
1.) For a clean transition from Carolina to Buckeye. From single gal to...shoot..one bathroom 3 people.
2.) For a job.
3.) For clarity.
4.) For the friends I will be leaving behind.
5.) For any preparation that I can do now before I go.
6.) For so much that I cannot put into words.
I leave this in the Fathers hands and with excitement...and a tear....and though sometimes I am tempted to take it back out of His hands and worry over it just a little more I trust that He knows my path. He knows when I wake and when I sleep. He knows what I need and what I don't need. He is my peace and He has broken down every wall. I look forward to the bend in my road.
So what's new? What's new? Alot and nothing at the same time. Work is still work....between you, me, and the dog sleeping on my feet...I am miserable there. I tread onward praying for my "bend in the road". I think I know when that bend will come...April 2011. I have made the decision to move back to the Ohio/Pa area. Why do I list both? Because more than likely I will be jumping over the boarder quite often. My parents live just a few moments from the Pa line.
I am sad to leave NC. I will miss the heat, the sun, my irratic hair brained friends....ok this is sounding too much like a Twilight novel...no seriously I will miss the area...it's really pretty here. I will miss my friends..the small little group of ladies that God has blessed me with the past few years. I wish I can take you all with me. So you may ask why are you going if you are so sad to leave? A few of you may list 8 very monumental reasons. You'd be right....but not entirely. I love my family and I am lonely here more often then not....but that's not why I'm going...entirely...though Josiah crying on the phone does have a big part of that.
I realized something this past year that has been poking at me for a long time. I have been living in neutral. "Lady in Waiting" should have been the name of the blog for so long. I've been praying and hoping that God would bless me with a husband and children of my own. With that prayer in my heart I kept telling myself...it doesn't matter that your job makes you miserable, it doesn't matter that you would almost...ALMOST...hug your boss if he fired you tomorrow. It doesn't matter because..."ONE DAY YOUR PRINCE WILL COME." and then none of this 8-5 terror will seem important. Not that I thought I'd get to quit working right away. I'm fine with working until I have kids. But I thought it would be easier if I had someone.
Well a few months ago....I woke up. I'm 32. Yes, I still want to get married. Sometimes, I believe he might even be out there. The point is...I'm done waiting. I need to live my life. I know that my true vocation is to honor and glorify God and to proclaim Him to a lost and dying world. I know that you can and should do that with every job you take on. Lately I'm praying so hard just to make it through the day without shaming Him with my attitude that I have little concentration for anything else. So I've decided to pursue a long time passion of mine. Baking....note there is no "n" in that word. I love experimenting, learning new techniques and inventing new recipes. I love it so much that I want to do it for a living. So now you're saying...well don't they eat sugar in NC? Yes they do....but I will need to take such a pay cut to begin at the bottom and work in a bakery to learn my skills. (num chuck skills, computer hacking skills) anyway...I'm not going to be making enough to support myself. So I am moving back in with mom and dad.
I'm nervous about it...sure...I am so set in my little secluded way that I'm nervous about the stretching I'll need to do. I am excited though that I can do this.
So please pray for me over the next 9 months:
1.) For a clean transition from Carolina to Buckeye. From single gal to...shoot..one bathroom 3 people.
2.) For a job.
3.) For clarity.
4.) For the friends I will be leaving behind.
5.) For any preparation that I can do now before I go.
6.) For so much that I cannot put into words.
I leave this in the Fathers hands and with excitement...and a tear....and though sometimes I am tempted to take it back out of His hands and worry over it just a little more I trust that He knows my path. He knows when I wake and when I sleep. He knows what I need and what I don't need. He is my peace and He has broken down every wall. I look forward to the bend in my road.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Location Location Location
Lately, I've been reading alot about "Heavenly Focus". It seems like every study I pick up is dealing with it. Living with Heaven in view. Living with a "future focus". There are as many catchy phrases as there are study guides in the religious book stores. My question is this. With so many books...better yet...so many Biblical references calling us to be separate, to be pure, to be Holy........can it really be done? Is it possible to take it "too far"?
Pilippians says "let this mind be in you, (here is the scary part), which was also in Christ Jesus". My brain hurts to think about that statement...I am to have the mind of Christ. How? I've heard so many people say...well we can't ever be perfect, God knows that. I've heard others say that it is possible to be so Heavenly Minded that you're no earthly good. Is it really? I don't think so....not for me anyway. We really can't be holy as Christ is holy because of our sinnful nature. We won't be perfect until we're glorified. Although true, more often than not, we use that as an excuse. We use it to harbour sin in our lives. To squelcht the guilt of another failed attempt, or simply as a reason not to really try at all. We say thing like.."God knows my heart"...and move through our lives like that makes it all ok.
An old church song comes to mind. The world behind me...I am no longer bound by my sin. How can I who is dead to sin live in it any longer? The cross before me.....my focus, my mission is to live with Christ's sacrifice forever in my mind and His victory in my life. No turning back...no turning back. This is the Heavenly Focus. "For I determine not to know anything among you save Jesus Christ and Him Crucified" I Cor. 2:2.
I want to live with heaven in view. Just like the disciples I want others to know by simply hearing me speak that I have been with Jesus. I don't want to just read about being set apart and chosen, I want to be set apart and chosen.
"Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to thee take my moments and my days let them flow in ceaseless praise let them flow in ceaseless praise."
Pilippians says "let this mind be in you, (here is the scary part), which was also in Christ Jesus". My brain hurts to think about that statement...I am to have the mind of Christ. How? I've heard so many people say...well we can't ever be perfect, God knows that. I've heard others say that it is possible to be so Heavenly Minded that you're no earthly good. Is it really? I don't think so....not for me anyway. We really can't be holy as Christ is holy because of our sinnful nature. We won't be perfect until we're glorified. Although true, more often than not, we use that as an excuse. We use it to harbour sin in our lives. To squelcht the guilt of another failed attempt, or simply as a reason not to really try at all. We say thing like.."God knows my heart"...and move through our lives like that makes it all ok.
An old church song comes to mind. The world behind me...I am no longer bound by my sin. How can I who is dead to sin live in it any longer? The cross before me.....my focus, my mission is to live with Christ's sacrifice forever in my mind and His victory in my life. No turning back...no turning back. This is the Heavenly Focus. "For I determine not to know anything among you save Jesus Christ and Him Crucified" I Cor. 2:2.
I want to live with heaven in view. Just like the disciples I want others to know by simply hearing me speak that I have been with Jesus. I don't want to just read about being set apart and chosen, I want to be set apart and chosen.
"Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to thee take my moments and my days let them flow in ceaseless praise let them flow in ceaseless praise."
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